No Easy Way Out

Kamui knew this was a difficult decision, siding with Nohr. She knew this wouldn't be an easy route. In fact, she was sure that siding with Hoshido would be just as difficult. However, if she had chosen Hoshido over Nohr, she wouldn't be constantly tormented by Garon's lackeys, nor would she and her family have to resort to subterfuge to keep him from discovering their motives. And Yukimura was actually an honest man, unlike Iago.

She could've spent time flying over the Hoshidan countryside on Hinoka's Pegasus. Learning how to use a bow and arrow with Takumi. Helping Sakura with her confidence issues. Reminiscing about old memories with Ryouma.

But that wasn't happening, nor would it likely ever happen. She didn't choose Hoshido. How could she choose a family that felt like complete strangers to her? Part of her wishes she had. The recent battle against Takumi emotionally exhausted her. He wasn't acting right. She understood his anger at her betrayal, but what of everything else? His odd behaviour had thrown up numerous red flags that something was wrong.

"Kamui?"

The voice, belonging to Leon, startled her. "Are you alright?"

There was no point in lying to him. They had grown up together, and he could read her like a book. Even more so now that they were married. "No..."

Leon took a seat next to her on the bed. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She didn't exactly want to, but numerous people, namely Lazward, told her that telling someone of their troubles would help ease some of the pain they felt. Knowing how his hellish life was before, at least to an extent, she often took that advice to heart. So while she would rather not keep her mind on the battle and Takumi, talking to her husband about it would help.

Sighing, Kamui began, "I was thinking... what if I didn't choose Nohr?"

"You mean if you had sided with Hoshido instead?"

She nodded. "I feel like I've missed so many opportunities by turning against them. I know they're family but... I barely know them. That was why I chose Nohr in the first place, but now..."

Leon looked a little shocked. "You're having second thoughts?"

"More like thoughts of what could've been... what it used to be..."

Leon didn't know what to think. Kamui often had moments of homesickness, but she was always fine afterwards. This, however, was much more extreme.

"I'm finding myself wishing I could just reset," the dragon princess continued. "Just start all over. Side with the family I never knew..." Kamui's expression became forlorn. "But then... really, nothing would change. It would all still be as it is now. I would be with a family who loved me very much, but..." She recalled Takumi's initial anger at her choosing Nohr over Hoshido. "I would also have another family who would be angry at me and demand why. Why did I choose what I did?" Her voice began to crack as tears rolled down her cheeks. "Why did I betray one family for the other?"

"Kamui..."

"This is what I've been thinking about, Leon!" she sobbed. "It gives me nightmares and keeps me awake at night! Dreaming of if I had sided with Hoshido, and seeing everyone's angry faces...! Especially yours! In those dreams, you wanted to kill me for my betrayal of Nohr..." She couldn't bring herself to continue that train of thought. It was too painful. "It's only several moments after I've woken up that I realise I won't have to see you, Camilla, and Xander so angry with me... But Takumi was angry. Hinoka was angry. No doubt Ryouma will be as well..."

Leon pulled her into a hug, comforting her as best he could. "I understand your problems, but there is no resetting. I think all of us, your other family included, knew that whatever decision you made would be difficult. Kamui," he tilted his wife's head up to face him, "there is no going back now, and no shortcut to the end either. You, and by extension all of us, are fighting for peace between our nations. Undoubtedly, this is the most difficult and taxing way of achieving it, but I assure you, no matter how we go about this, it is worth fighting for."

Kamui sniffled and buried her head in his chest. Thank the gods he wasn't wearing armour. "You're right, Leon. There's no easy way out of this war. We just have to see it through to the end. I know this path is fraught with pain and danger, but it would be just the same the other way around." She sighed. "Remember the festival we went to in that Outrealm?"

This was quite off topic. "Yes, of course. Why?"

"The merchant girl. I overheard her talking with Camilla. They were talking about how there were other... well, other versions of myself."

He caught on to what she was saying. "And you're wondering if any of the other Kamuis that exist had sided with Hoshido." His wife only nodded. "No doubt these other versions might be having a similarly difficult time living with the choices they've made."

She sighed. Once again, he was right, and it proved a point. It didn't matter what she chose. She would still have to deal with the consequences and heartbreak that came with it. If only there was an alternative, a third option to choose, but she didn't have one. If she did, she wasn't aware of it. However, it was too late to go back. She made her choice. Now she had to live with it, whether she liked it or not.

"Leon?"

"Yes, dear?"

"Thank you for being here with me."

Leon smiled softly and ran a hand through her hair. "I'll always be here for you, no matter what."

In that moment, Kamui realised that even if her choice came with adverse effects, she would still have someone to be there to support her all the way. But if she had chosen Hoshido over Nohr, who would be the one to sit there and hold her until she was alright and stick with her through thick and thin, like Leon was now? Part of her thought Takumi would. Heh, what an odd parallel. Maybe it would be him. Or someone else. Either way, she wouldn't be forced to go through with her choices alone.

Her thoughts drew her back to that theoretical third option. She knew what she would've done then: sided with nobody, and do her best to bring everyone together. Maybe one of the other Kamuis the merchant and Camilla were talking about took that third option. She sure hoped so. She couldn't help but chuckle at the idea of Leon and Takumi getting along.

"Hmm?" Leon gazed down at his sniffling and, for some reason, chuckling wife. "What's so funny?"

Kamui wiped her eyes. "It's nothing. Nothing important." Yes, how bittersweet that was. If only she had known about her option to side with no one when it was needed. But no. She would never get that chance. Never get to see both of her families working together to end the war. Never get to see both armies put their differences aside. Never get to know how this war even started in the first place.

The sound of Leon's heartbeat was slowly lulling her to sleep. As she drifted off, she envied the other Kamuis that chose that third path. They had what she never could.

All because she chose a side.